When you can't think of anything better to write:

Complain. So, some new things that are on notice.

1. Affixing the suffix "-gate" to the subject of this news cycle's controversy. "Attorneygate" was just sighted on the CNN home page. Ach. Honestly, I might have bemoaned this persistend plague of the language in my last bout of this business, but I can't stress it enough. Stop it. "Gategate" must come to an end.

2. The couple at the next table who can't stop giggling and holding hands. Normally I don't mind PDA as much as most people, but there's a certain line you cross when you're just compensating, or afraid to be out of contact for more than a few seconds. While I was writing that she just reached for him again.

3. Mud. This springtime landmark probably isn't so much of a nouisance to you that'd you'd be moved to write about it, but on the other hand, you probably didn't trudge around in it all day while you were hanging vinyl siding.

4. People who complain about their jobs with an air of superiority, like you, with your indoor job, would never understand how hard they worked all day. In the mud.

5. The crappy internet connection that interuppted my conversation with Ms. Melanie Feyerherm.

6. The President's recent defense of his troop surge, one I've been brewing on for a little while: "Well, if you don't like my ideas, you think of something." Pure rhetorical brilliance, casting your enemies as people of limited vision while simultaneously charging ahead on the same dead horse you've always been beating. Really, it's like if I dropped a wine glass, and then tried to sculpt the thousand shattered pieces into something else. You come along, and noticing the futility of my attempt, point out said futility. I respond, "Well, if you don't like my ideas, you think of something."

Surely you'd be affronted enough to point out that you wouldn't have dropped the glass in the first place. So where's your bitterness now?